Can you hear how well-behaved and kind they're being? Can you sense how excited they are to know that their lack of punching, biting, tattle-taling and whining is reaping them huge present rewards?
No. No you can't because they know they can behave like heathens, and still get oodles of presents, tonnes of sweets, and buckets of goodies, regardless.
And not just because I'm unsure as to where to buy a lump of coal. (Though to be honest, I wouldn't have a clue - god bless us, every one, especially the e.on and their utility supply!)
They know that we suffer from Weak Parent Syndrome.
Sit them on the stairs for an amount of minutes equal to their age? Sure. My boys never seemed to age past 30 seconds!
Catch them putting the cat into the washing machine? Stern looks, lip biting and the 'disappointed' speech.
Throwing stones at cars? 'Don't you know you could hurt yourself if it ricochets back?' Seriously? Hurt yourself? Am I on drugs? Should I be on drugs? Is there a parenting book I missed?
So, they are behaving mildly better than awful, to ensure that A's and my middle class, floppy liberal morals will not be totally ignored.
In the mean time, I made fish pie for dinner!
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